A Wee Bit
by Rointheta
Summary: The Doctor and Rose wonder what's going on when their TARDIS keeps bringing them to the wrong places.


_This is the fifth fic in my 2013 Advent Calendar!_  
**prompt**: "Doctor and companion end up on Sesame Street"  
**prompter**: naiadwrites  
**beta**: resile

* * *

**A WEE BIT**

* * *

The Doctor climbs out of the TARDIS, big grin on his face, and finds himself in front of a woman glaring at him, her cheeks burning red. She laces her heavy sighs with growls and clutches a clipboard in her hands, knuckles turning white.

"Hello," he says, wiggling his fingers as he waves at her.

"Go to hell."

"What?"

"And take that stupid ass grin and that stupid ass trashcan with you."

He frowns, bottom lip protruding. "I'll have you know that this rubbish bin is_brilliant_!"

"I don't give a crap!" She steps closer to him, narrowing her eyes and showering him with her saliva as she spits out her words. "I know our trashcans, okay? And _that_ is not ours."

"Oh, well, you see–"

"Shut up. I don't care how it ended up in the middle of our set. All I care about is that it's in the goddamn way! I need it gone and I need it fucking yesterday!"

He sputters for a few seconds, but shuts his mouth with a click as the woman takes another step toward him.

"Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?"

"Ehm… Rose?" he calls over his shoulder. "Rose! Help!"

The lid of the rubbish bin slides off halfway and Rose's head pops up. "This isn't outside of Tesco's."

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed."

"No need to get snippy with me, Doctor. I wasn't the one driving. Where are we, then?"

"Well, on this very _hostile _woman's set."

"Set of what?"

"No idea."

The woman scowls, expelling a huff. "It's the set of Sesame Street. Ever heard of it, pea brain?"

"I am the most intelligent life form in this whole universe and–"

"So, sorry about that." Rose stretches out and grabs his shoulder, pulling him back inside. "We'll be on our way. No need to get angry. Bye-bye!"

* * *

**.**

* * *

Rose folds her arms over her chest, gaping at the castle in front of her, its golden details gleaming in the sunlight, and its towers and battlements casting her, the Doctor and their TARDIS in shadow.

"This is not my mum's garden."

"No? You sure?"

"Pretty sure, yeah. She did _not_ have that thing last time."

"It _is_ your mother's taste, though, isn't it? All pink and turquoise and…" He flapped his hand about. "Princessy."

"I'm ninety nine percent certain we're at some form of Disneyland. Or world. Or whatever."

"Really? Ninety nine?" He beams. "You did the math?"

Rose points at the grown man in a Mickey Mouse costume talking to three children a hundred meters ahead of them.

"Ah. Try again?"

* * *

**.**

* * *

Rose huffs out a breath, blowing her fringe out of her eyes and hopping backwards to avoid being rammed by a pack of kids running towards the pinball machines to her left.

"Got off course again, Doctor?"

"Well, just a wee bit."

"Just a _wee_ bit? Honestly. This is starting to annoy me! Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"Yes! I've checked, and double-checked, and triple-checked, and…" The Doctor sighs, leaning against the time ship. "She's fine. Everything is perfect._She's_ perfect. Yes you are." He pouts his lips as he speaks, using his sweetest baby voice. "And you've grown so fast. Such a good girl."

Rose strokes its sleek walls, following the colourful block letters spelling out the title of the game cabinet the TARDIS disguised itself as.

"Then why does she keep landing us in wrong places for no reason at all? There's not been any disasters to prevent anywhere. No aliens to fight. Nothing! Mind you, I'm not looking forward to this event, but…" She glances down at the skin-tight, red dress covering her body, wiggling one stiletto-clad foot in front of him. "Not exactly dressed for a night at the arcade hall, am I?"

"Oh, I don't know about that. Last time I was in one of these there really was no dresscode to speak of. What d'you say?" He shoots her a grin. "Stay awhile?"

"Mum's gonna kill us if we don't show up, though."

"Hm… Spending a whole evening chatting up suits and pretending they're brilliant when they're really the thickest of the very, _very_ thick–or having fun in this little place, only to suffer the wrath of Jackie Tyler…? No. I can't do it. It's an impossible choice." His eyes light up, mouth falling open into a wide smile. "Ooh. Maybe I can build a machine that can calculate exactly which scenario is the worst!"

"Can't you do that with your frankly magnificent brain?"

"'Course I can. Going to the party, sneaking off for a shag in the coat room, and going home early is definitely the best choice, but that took me no time at all! Building a handy little gadget, on the other hand– Hey! _I'm_ the other hand. No." His eyes narrow and brow furrows. "Nooo. I'm the _original_ hand. The handy hand. My handy spare hand that can handle this mess without breaking a sweat on his handsome face."

Smiling, Rose rolls her eyes and snorts as she squeezes herself past him and inside the TARDIS. "I can't believe I married you. Handy hand that's_driving_ me spare, more like."

"What? You're not… Rose?" he asks, following her into the console room. "I wasn't too– I thought you wanted– I just reckoned that we only have one life, Rose Tyler, and–" He shoves his hands into his pockets and leans against the console with a sigh. "I knew I shouldn't have brought it up. But your mother said–and I thought I could trust her, that she knew you–she said you really wanted to get married, and that you were just mggtph–"

Rose, who'd shut him up with a snog, pulled back, tongue poking out between her teeth. "Of course I wanted to marry you, you silly man. Was just teasing you. So, did you realise what was wrong?"

"Well, I have a few ideas. I'll work on it tomorrow, though. Let's just try and get to that blasted party."

* * *

**.**

* * *

Rose pulls her dressing gown tighter around her with one hand, bringing her morning cuppa to her lips with the other, and inspecting the sight before her. A playhouse–white wooden facade, grey thatched roof, and a yellow door with a round silver doorknob–stands in their Wee Patch of Wilderness, as the Doctor prefers to call their overgrown, but charming, garden.

"Doctor? Why's the TARDIS disguised herself as a playhouse?"

"I don't… When I left to go inside and fetch you, she looked like a shed! As she always does in the Wee Patch of Wilderness."

"But you've fixed her?"

"Yeah."

"Could this be a side effect?"

"I didn't fix her only to break something else! Not that I broke anything in the first place."

Rose tilts her head to the side. "I quite like it, though. Sorta fits, doesn't it? And Tony's gonna love it."

"But it's not _right_! She's supposed to be a garden shed!"

"Oh, c'mere." Rose puts down the cup on the porch of the playhouse and grabs the waistband of his pyjama bottoms, tugging him closer. She snuggles her face into his chest, breathing him in, hand slipping under the fabric to meet soft, warm skin. "I want–"

"What's the pattern? If I just find the pattern, I'll figure it out," he says, tugging at his hair. She sighs and pulls out her hand, picking up her cuppa and taking a sip. "First it was the zoo. Then a school. After that, Sesame Street. Blimey, she was rude. I might be rude, but I'm not _that_ rude. Right?"

"No, you're a sweetheart."

"Yes! Yes, I am. And then the maternity ward at St. John's Hospital–and I'm still not over that they didn't let me deliver that baby. D'you know how many babies I've delivered?"

"Yes. Fifty four. You told me in great detail."

"I'd call that considerable experience!"

"And how many of them were human babies, Doctor?"

He blinks at her. "And then we landed at Disneyland. And Disney_world_. That waterpark. Why do I never remember that name? Splashmania? Splashtastic? Splashrealm?"

"Splashoria."

"Really? Doesn't that sound a bit…"

"Yeah."

"Why not, oh I don't know, Splashtopia? Oh, whatever. Then we landed at Wilson's Toy Factory. The arcade hall. And now this." He gestured at the time ship. "A playhouse."

"Oh, my god. It's kids! That's the pattern. Kids! Is she telling us to have_babies_? Is that what's happening? The TARDIS is actually trying to make us…" Rose leans forward and pats the roof. "Well, I'm sorry old girl, but that's not gonna happen. We're not parent material."

"We're not?"

The hurt in his voice makes Rose whip around, hot tea splashing out over her hand. She snatches it away out of reflex, dropping the cup in the process and jumping back to protect her feet as it crashes to the ground.

"You want a baby?" she asks, wiping her hand on her dressing gown.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"You want a baby?"

"Ehm… Dunno. Just two. Maybe three?"

"What?!"

"Isn't that… Isn't that the point?"

"Is it?"

"I don't know. Yes? No." He rubs his neck. "Yes. I think so. For me. Not… Not for you?"

"But…a _baby_? Since when?"

He swallows and ducks his head. "I've always wanted– And this life. Well, a part of me, anyway. Always wondered what it would… But I _couldn't_. And it's easy to want something when you know it'll never happen, so I didn't think that I really wanted it. Not really. But… But it's different now. And I _do_ want. And we can. We can, now."

"You mean, biologically?"

"No– Well, yes, but… Yes, we can. We're…compatible. I've run the tests. But there are always ways around that, and that wasn't why, anyway. I couldn't because I had obligations. But now my only obligation is you. Not that you're an obligation. You're so much–" He draws in a deep breath, letting it out as he straightens and looks her in the eye. "Yes. I want a baby."

"Now?"

"Whenever you're ready. If you… If you ever get ready."

"But we're a mess! Look at how we live. Only things we ever do are shag, work, and eat take out. We can't even handle our garden! God, Doctor, we haven't even hired a gardener yet to take care of our garden for us–and we've been living here for two years!"

"Weeeell, that's not entirely true. We do other things as well. And I happen to love the Wee Patch of Wilderness. It's very charming. Everybody says so, Rose. _Everybody_. Except your mother. Not that I care about her opinion!" He sniffs. "Besides, we can change our habits. Quit our jobs. Be stay-at-home parents. Or… Travel-around-the-universe parents! Can you imagine that? Learning by experiencing. We don't really need the money, do we? We don't need to work. We could take years off. See the universe. She'd-she'd keep us safe." He smiles at the TARDIS. "She'll make sure we land in safe places."

"Wow. You've really thought about this, haven't you?"

He shrugs. "Now and then."

"And what about the TARDIS? Were you in on this? Did you make her land–"

"No! I think… Well, she knows me. I think she took matters into her own hands, so to speak."

"I just… You really want a baby. With me."

"Rose, if you don't want, I completely understand. We'll still have a wonderful life."

"I don't know. I never thought… I made my peace with it, a long time ago– And back then I didn't even want, really, so it wasn't so much making my peace as just…knowing, yeah? Wasn't even an option. But now…" She sighs, rubbing her forehead. "I need to think."

"Take your time. You're still young. Well," he says, tilting his head to the side and looking up. "Moderately."

"Oi!"

"Well, you're no spring chicken anymore, Rose."

"I'm thirty-one! And you're the bloody Crypt Keeper!"

He chuckles. "I'd like to say that you're wrong, but you should've seen some of my regenerations."

She laughs and gives him a soft whack on his arm. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Doctor? It's been years since… It's been years."

"I didn't think you'd want… Reckoned I'd just wait for you."

"I don't think I'd ever have brought it up, to be honest."

"Oh. So you really don't…" He nods, Adam's apple bobbing once before his head sinks toward his chest. "That's fine. That's… Yeah."

"And I don't think I'll ever be ready–"

"Yes. You don't have to exp–"

"But…"

He looks up, just a slight tilt of the head, eyes guarded as they meet hers. "But?"

"When I… I mean, are you ever really ready? If I just listen to my gut, right, if I don't think. If I just _feel_…"

He straightens again, eyes flickering over her face, lips parted. "Yes?"

"I think…" She nods and licks her lips. "It feels good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. In here," she says, pressing her hand against her chest.

"So, you _do_ want a baby?" he says, moving closer.

"I… I need to digest–"

He stops. "Oh."

"No! I don't mean–" Her face blooms into a smile. "I want one. But not _now_-now. But soon. We can start trying soon. I just need to…wrap my head around it, yeah?"

"Okay." He beams, closing the distance between them and enveloping her in his arms. "All the time you need, Rose. And did you hear that, old girl?" he says to the TARDIS. "You can start behaving now."

The time ship flickers for a few seconds before it, with a soft groan and a creak, starts to morph into the familiar form of a dingy garden shed.

"That's my girl!" The Doctor squeezes Rose's hip. "What do you say? Wanna take a trip somewhere? Try her out?"

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

**.**

* * *

"You gotta be kidding me!" Standing in the doorway, Rose bursts out laughing as she takes in her surroundings.

"What?" The Doctor looks up from the console, fingers wrapped around the handbrake, pulling it. "Where did she bring us this time?"

"The animal shelter."

"Oh."

"Don't tell me. You want a dog, too, don't you."

The Doctor breaks out into a sheepish smile. "Weeell, maybe just a small one?"

She shakes her head at him, smiling. "As long as it's not a horse." She holds out her hand, wiggling her fingers. "C'mon, then, Doctor. Let's do this thing."

* * *

**the end**


End file.
